Nothing but the Death
by anotherdeadlykiss
Summary: Maura is alone as a child. Never has she felt love. Who will come into her life and show her it is worth living? Will Jane approve? AU. Jane/Maura
1. What She did

**Warning there is talk of character suicide and abuse. I'm not going to lie, this story is dark.  
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***Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles belong to their respective owners.*  
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**I hope you enjoy. Jane will make her appearance in later chapters.  
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**August 24****th****, 1988**

Kylie Anderson set her bike down at her friend Claire's house. They were having a sleepover tonight and Claire had finally convinced her to tell the story about her old best friend, Maura Isles. Kylie rang the doorbell of the crimson house and smiled at the 16 year old that greeted her. Dark skinned and bright green eyes, Claire had looks that could stop the world from turning and had a bubbly personality to match. It was a wonder the two had become good friends, with Claire always dressed in pink and Kylie never without black or grey. Kylie knew after Maura was gone that she needed a change. She thought of it as out with the dark, in with the light. Kylie also knew though that she would forever miss Maura and the love they shared.

Claire led the way through a big house modernly decorated with the finest furniture. All the way to Claire's room the girl babbled on about school and who was dating who. Kylie would answer vaguely every now and then to show Claire she was still listening when she really wasn't. The only thing she could focus on was how different Claire's house was to Maura's.

"Kylie…Kylie snap out of it!" Claire pinched her on the arm and Kylie realized they had made it to her bedroom.

"Sorry I was just looking at how nice your house is." Kylie told her and Claire laughed. "Kyles, c'mon! Now that we're here you promised you would tell me about that ol' friend of yours! I wanna hear every bit so spill it sister!" Claire dropped to her bed and pulled back the pink comforter. Kylie took a deep breath and sat beside her friend.

"Maura felt unloved and in a deep black hole she couldn't ever see the light from. She finally couldn't take it anymore and took her life.

Even as her best friend I couldn't even begin to imagine how Maura felt until she was gone. She had a hard life. She was only ever semi-okay until she got older. Something inside of her just broke or died and she couldn't really be happy anymore.

Maura couldn't stand most people. When she was around them she just wanted to be alone. I was her best friend because not only did I feel the same way about people, but I also had known her since we were 8. Maura couldn't make real good friends with anyone because they would always stab her in the back. I knew from that first moment she brushed me off that she needed a friend and I decided it would be me. She only told me to stay away for a day. After that she finally gave me a try, but when going into our 15th birthday she was so very upset with life and couldn't take it anymore. She left this world.

_**June 16, 1976 –Maura is 3. **_

"_**It was never easy for Maura at home but it mostly started around when she turned 3." **_

_Maura was sitting in her high chair eating the food in front of her. Tonight was a peanut butter and banana sandwich cut into little squares. She pushed the pieces into her mouth and chewed slowly, savoring every bite. She knew, even at the age of 3, that she wouldn't get another meal today, so she ate slowly to make sure it lasted. The sandwich was sweet and tasty even with the bitterness of the words that flew behind her as her parents argued. She didn't understand what they were fighting about. Maura heard a scream and objects flying. The worst she heard though, but didn't understand, was the sound of skin hitting skin. She turned to see what had happened and saw with little hazel eyes her mother lying on the floor. Her father was above her with a beer bottle in his hand. _

"_What are you lookin' at?" He snapped. _

"_What's mommy doin' on the ground?" Maura asked innocently. The question, though innocent, made her father angry. He was atop her highchair in mere seconds and flung the rest of her food to the ground._

"_You stupid child think you can talk to me like that eh? Well no more dinner! That'll teach ya a lesson not to question me!" He growled at the little child and smiled when he saw a tear in her eye. Maura didn't cry. She knew what would happen if she did. She only let a small tear escape before she pulled herself together and stared blankly at her father. He left her in the highchair and grabbed another beer before sitting on their expensive tan couch and counting his money from his last deal. _

_Maura sat there and traced patterns in the floral print wallpaper. She thought of unicorns and fairies dancing on the walls and jumping into swimming pools on the fancy periwinkle carpet. She didn't make a sound and sat there like a good girl until her mother awoke and was able to put Maura in her crib. Her mother sang her to sleep and before leaving the room whispered promises to leave. Those promises whispered would always be broken. _

_Nothing was said the next day about what happened the day before. Maura's mother got her up and dressed her in a little pink dress with ladybugs on it. She pulled Maura's little blonde curls into two pig tails with matching bows. All the while her mother sang Maura a soft tune of her favorite song "Piano Man". Maura hummed along and they laughed when Maura tried putting her own panties on and putting it backwards. This morning routine was like a small getaway from reality for both of them. Maura and her mother could be happy at these times and didn't have to worry about getting in trouble. The moment they walked out of Maura's nursery and poker faces had to be put on. _

"_Ellie, let's go" Her fathered order to her mother. _

"_We can't just leave her here Charles." Ellie told him, clutching the little girl next to her._

_Charles snorted at the thought of someone telling him no "What was that? Just leave some food out for her and a few old newspapers. She'll be fine." _

_Ellie looked at the child in her arms and gave a sigh. She knew she wouldn't, couldn't win. She could only do her best to make sure Maura was safe. Placing a stack of newspapers in a cardboard box and put a peanut butter sandwich in a bad next to the box. _

"_Please be good, Maura." Ellie whispers into her ear and plants a kiss her cheek. Wiping a tear from her eye, Ellie stood and walked out the house with her husband at her side. _

_This became the daily routine and Maura grew up to love when her parents went out for the day. She could play, laugh, and not have to worry about getting yelled at. Often times when she got older, on particularly brave days, Maura would venture out of the house. But at the age of 3 Maura could do nothing but sit there and play with her toy and eat her sandwich. _

**Present Day-**

"Oh gee I'm so sorry for what happened to her, Kylie." Claire shook her head in complete disgust about what she heard.

"Yeah, Maura was brave though. She grew up fast and was making her food at like 5" Kylie told her.

"Hey, let's talk about something else its kinda depressing" Claire said. Not wanting to push the issue of Claire being the one who brought it up, Kylie agreed and they fell onto the subject of Claire's new crush Joey.

When Claire finally fell asleep Kylie couldn't help thinking of when she had first met Maura. Kylie was "homeschooled" when they had met. Her mom never made her do any work and she was free to play outside.

_**July 13**__**th**__**, 1981 Maura and Kylie are 8.**_

_Kylie pulled her thin, brown hair into a pony tail. Adjusting her bright green tank top and pulling her denim shorts down that had come about her waist while she had been sitting, she casually opened the screen door and stepped out into the hot sun of July. A warm breeze flew around her and the air smelled like blooming flowers. The tree above her patio gave little shade but Kylie was content with it anyway. It did after all, make a wonderful climbing tree. The thing Kylie loved most about her backyard though was the in-ground pool. Living in the wealthiest neighborhood did have its perks. The downside was all the privacy fences because it made exploring the area hard. Now that her parents were both at work again, because Kylie refused to go to a babysitter and could take care of herself, she had taught herself how to climb the offending fence in her backyard. Today she was determined to find out who lived behind her and what secrets they were hiding. Getting a running start, Kylie jumped and pulled herself up onto the first horizontal piece of wood. Gripping the next piece she scraped her feet against the vertical pieces of fences until she was able to sit one the last piece. Carefully, she swung her legs over the top of the fence and was surprised to find a small chained-link fence below her. Placing her feet on it she turned and jumped the rest of the way down._

_Kylie had expected no one to be out today. Usually the neighborhood was full of business men, women who went to country clubs and children who went to private school. So, she was very surprised when she turned around and hazel eyes met her dark grey ones. Kylie gasped in surprise and almost lost her balance on the ground. Neither girl said a word as they both continued to stare. Kylie made a sweep of the girl in front of her and instantly envied the blonde curls that were pulled back into the most perfect ponytail. The blonde was wearing an expensive dress that looked like it had just come out of the closet of Kylie's older sister, Tessa. She had matching white sandals and made Kylie feel out of place in her older clothes and dirty sneakers. It's not like Kylie didn't have nice clothes, she had plenty, she just wasn't allowed to play in them outside._

"_Who are you?" The blonde broke the awkward silence between the two. _

"_I'm Kylie. Who are you?" _

"_My name is Maura and you shouldn't be here." Maura told her and pointed a finger at her. Kylie scrunched up her face and made no move to leave. _

"_Yeah? Why not?" Kylie asked. Hands on her hips._

"_Because I said so, that's why." She didn't want to tell Kylie what her father would do if he found out she was talking to someone other than the fancy guests that he showed her off to. _

"_Well then make me leave Maauuuraaa" Kylie drew her name out, challenging her to do something about it. _

"_You shouldn't be here, Kylie." _

"_You already said that, Maura" _

"_Please go." Maura pleaded. Kylie saw the hurt in her eyes and only shook her head._

"_Don't you want someone to play with? Doesn't it get lonely by yourself? I know I get lonely." Kylie waited for Maura's response. Only to be surprised by the blonde turning around and walking into her own house. Kylie's mouth dropped and a frown made its way to her lips. Who did she think she was to just leave her here? Giving up, Kylie made her back over the fence and jumping down. Feeling a little too hot she decided to take a swim. _

_**July 16**__**th**__**, 1981**_

_Kylie peeked over the fence for two days seeing an empty yard. Now, on the third day, she saw Maura was out with her back facing her inspecting something in the ground. Smiling to herself Kylie made her way to Maura's yard. She noted that Maura had her hair down and was constantly pushing the blonde curls out of her face. She had a yellow sun dress on with matching tights. Never had Kylie seen anyone so dressed up to go outside. _

_When she crept up behind Maura she could tell Maura was looking at a funky 8 legged creature. Just as she was about to pick it up Kylie coughed._

"_You shouldn't pick those up." Kylie told her. The blonde looked up startled and gave a yelp. Kylie let out a laugh._

"_You shouldn't sneak up on people. It's rude." Maura was frowning but Kylie could tell she was forcing down a smile. _

"_You shouldn't try to pick up a spider. They bite." Kylie found the blonde hard to leave alone and couldn't help the teasing. _

"_It's not a biting type of spider, Kylie." _

"_All spiders bite. How do you think they eat their food? It's only the ones that bite humans and have poison that you have to worry about." _

"_Where did you learn all that?" Maura was thirsty for knowledge that Kylie held. She was disappointed when Kylie just shrugged "I have an older brother." Maura's eyes widened._

"_What's it like to have an older brother?" _

"_It's a pain! He's really mean and calls me stupid a lot" Kylie took a seat on the porch steps "He also steals my toys. It's ok though cause my older sister Tessa gets them back for me." _

_Maura was shocked. "You have an older sister too?" Maura was couldn't believe that this girl was lucky to not only have one, but two siblings. _

"_Hey are you still mad at me for being over here?" Kylie asked suddenly aware that Maura was now being nice. _

"_Not really, but you have to be careful my father doesn't see you or he'll get angry." Maura avoided Kylie's eyes. Kylie couldn't figure out why it mattered if Maura's dad saw her, but decided that it wasn't worth pestering her about. Instead she focused on her new friend and getting to know her._

"_So Maura, what's your favorite color?" _

"_Well, I guess it would have to be purple."_

"_You guess?" _

"_Mmhm"_

"_Well then, I guess my favorite color is blue" Kylie was happy Maura was beginning to open up to her. She felt like pushing the boundaries. "So, Maura?" _

"_Yes?"_

"_Nobody is home at my house. My brother and sister aren't ever home until Saturday for dinner and my parents are at work until 7pm. You should come over and swim" Kylie mentally crossed her fingers hoping the blonde would agree._

"_I don't Kylie…" Maura was quiet, staring at the ground. A light bulb flashed in Kylie's head._

"_Hey, my parents are having this fancy party tonight at 8. The whole entire neighborhood is invited and the kids will get to play outside and sleep in tents. You should tell your parents you want to go." Kylie was almost out of breath and her eyes pleaded with Maura's. Maura smiled at Kylie's persistence to get her over._

"_I'll ask my mom. How am I supposed to explain how I found out though?" Maura asked. Kylie held up a finger and was on her feet in a flash. Before Maura could comprehend what was happening Kylie was half away over the fence. She waited for what seemed forever when she saw a head pop up with hugest grin. Kylie had returned with a flyer in her hand._

"_Just say it blew into your yard and you wanted to pick it up so the yard looked tidy. That's how I get away with playing outside when I'm grounded." Kylie had the biggest smile Maura had ever seen. It wasn't a fake smile like the one her mom used around the house guests and her father, it was a genuine, happy smile that was contagious and Maura couldn't help wearing it too._

"_Ok. I'll ask." No sooner were the words out of Maura's mouth when Maura felt herself in a huge bear hug. _

"_Thank gosh you're coming! You would not believe the other kids I have to deal with there! All their parents send them to snotty private schools where they get to do practically anything they want." Kylie huffed and took a seat on Maura's porch step again, this time with Maura sitting next to her._

"_Don't you get to do whatever you want though?" _

"_It's not the same! They flaunt it in your face like they're the king of the world." Kylie waved her hands around trying to prove her point. Maura giggled at the silly gestures. Kylie narrowed her eyes at Maura's laughter, which made Maura giggle more. _

"_Are you laughing at me?" Kylie's sniffled pretending to be hurt._

"_I'm sorry it was funny" Maura's lip formed a frown as she thought she had hurt her new friend all ready. A smiled tugged on Kylie's lips and she let out a chuckle. _

"_Silly Maur, I was only pretending!" Kyle's laughter was contagious for Maura and soon both girls were laughing so hard they were crying. After they had finally got themselves together did Maura realize how late it was. _

"_Kylie, it's getting late. If I don't see you tonight I'm really sorry." _

"_I understand Maura, it'll be ok. You will come out to talk tomorrow when your parents leave right?" Kylie was almost begging. Almost. She was rewarded with a smile from Maura that made a smile form on her own lips._

"_Defiantly!" Without another word they gave their good bye hugs and went into their respective homes._

_When Maura's parents got home she was delighted to see they were in a good mood._

"_Mom! Dad! There's this big party tonight at the house behind us and everyone's invited!" Maura was almost bursting with joy. Her mother's face lit up, but her dad frowned._

"_Why should I care Maura?" He snapped._

"_Cause there will be many socialites there. It is a party only for the rich" Maura knew it was a long shot, but as her father glanced at the flyer there was hope burning in her eyes._

"_Go get ready"_


	2. Kylie's party and what Maura is missing

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli and Isles, 'Annie', or To Kill a Mocking Bird**

**This chapter takes place at Kylie's party**

Maura tugged on her curls watching them bounce back into place. It had taken her only 20 minutes to get ready. The party had asked for children to wear nothing fancy. Maura had chosen to wear a plain brown tank top and dark jean shorts. She brushed the tangles from her hair and pulled her hair back out of her face with a sparkly black butterfly clip. She wanted to dress casual but still impress Kylie at the same time.

After she was done changing she packed an overnight bag. Tooth brush, toothpaste, blanket, pillow, pajamas, and a hairbrush were all neatly tucked into a large purple duffle bag. Maura was almost bursting with joy as she joined her parents in the living room. When they saw her glow her mother smiled and her father frowned, but said nothing. To him, children were to be quiet.

The party was in full swing when they got there. Kylie's family could really pull off getting a party together with only an hour after work. She saw Kylie sitting on the grand staircase blowing bubbles. She watched as a woman who must have been her mom scold her and take away the bubbles. Kylie stuck out her tongue behind her mom's back and met Maura's gaze. Instantly Kylie's face lit up and she ran over to Maura.

"This party is going to be amazing!" Kylie's excitement was radiating off her in waves.

"Where do I put my stuff?" Maura asked her, smiling back.

"Oh I'll show you to my room. You can just keep it there." Kylie took Maura's hand and led her up the stairs.

"My sister helped me design my room. I don't really like it, but she said I'd thank her for it later. Anyways, we have like a bazillion rooms in our house so come over anytime. Oh and be careful cause my brother likes to let out his pet snake. Don't worry though he doesn't bite. Oh! I had this pet hamster once that was all white. We got rid of him cause he kept trying to eat my fingers. I was really sad until I got this fish named Willy. He was my best friend. He didn't like to be taken out of his bowl and he vanished one day. I asked my mom what happened to him and she said she lost him. I didn't talk to her for a whole week." Kylie finished her rambling when they finally got to her room. Kylie's room was like a dream for Maura. Its main focus color was a soft grey and the walls sparkled with glitter on the paint. Her bed was a king bed with a soft grey butterfly duvet. It barely took up any space in the huge room. The walls were covered in pictures of smiling friends and dark fairies. Her dresser had a small lamp on it and the desk held many books and papers. The most fascinating part of the whole place for Maura though was the gigantic walk-in closet. She slowly made her way through it and felt some of the soft fabrics between her fingers. It amazed her how the girl had such nice clothing but the two times had seen her she was dressed in older, dirtier clothes.

Maura turned towards Kylie, who was watching her. "Why do you dress in your older clothes when you have all these nice ones?"

Kylie smiled. "I'm not allowed to play in my good clothes. Anyways, Maura, what would you like to do?" Maura shrugged.

"What do you want to do? I have never had a sleepover before" The girls sat on the bed and pondered what to do. Kylie's face lit up.

"I know what we can do! My sister and her friends play all the time." Maura watched as Kylie pulled her desk chair out from the desk and under a shelf. Standing on the chair she grabbed a candle from the shelf.

"I'm not really allowed to light this but you can keep a secret…right Maura?"

"Yes, but I can't lie." The blond replied. Kylie left the room for a second and returned with a box of matches. Kylie took Maura's hand and pulled her into Kylie's bathroom.

"Ok, here's how we play: you say 'Bloody Mary' 13 times in the mirror. " Kylie lit the candle.

"What happens after that?" Maura asked.

"Supposedly she comes out of the mirror and kills you" Kylie went to turn off the lights when she was stopped by a hand on her wrist.

"I don't to die, Kylie" Maura was shaking. She had no wish to die and this game seemed dangerous.

"Relax Maura, it's just a game." Kylie saw in Maura's eyes the fear that was in the blond.

"What if it's not?" She was close to tears now, but didn't want to show Kylie she was weak.

"Are you scared?" Kylie teased with a devilish grin. Kylie was surprised when Maura let go of her wrist and turned off the light herself.

"I am not a coward." Maura said.

"I never said you were"

"Let's just get this over with" By the dim candle light Maura could just make out their facial features. The flicker of the candle casted an eerie orange glow over them. Maura had never been so scared in her life by a game.

Kylie started the countdown. "On three ok?" Maura nodded.

"1..2…3"

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

The candle flame flickered wildly.

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

Maura was terrified as they continued and saw in the mirror Kylie felt the same.

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

"Kylie…I don't know if I can go on" Maura whispered franticly.

"We're almost there, you can do it" Kylie whispered back.

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

"Bloody Mary"

They stood together waiting for their deaths. Kylie was to turn on the light when they heard a loud bang. Both girls screamed and grabbed onto each other.

"Kylie is everything ok in there?" They heard a woman's voice. Kylie was instantly relieved to hear her mother's voice. Quickly she blew out the candle and placed it under the sink with the matches. She flipped on the light, sprayed air freshener to cover the candle, flipped on the lights, and opened the door.

"Hey, mom!" Kylie said with a smile and pushed passed her mom pulling Maura with her.

"Why aren't you downstairs?" Her mother asked with a frown.

"Maura was putting her bag up here."

"Is she not sleeping in the tent?"

Kylie frowned. "No"

It was her mother's turn to frown. "And why not?"

"Cause…urm…well…she has this um…she is terribly afraid of spiders. I thought we would hang out up here so she'd have a friend to talk to" Kylie lied.

"Is that true, Maura?"

"Some spiders are very poisonous and they bite." Maura dodged the question making Kylie almost sigh in relief. Her mother seemed to buy it though.

"Well, you girls have fun and come down when you're hungry"

"Bye mom." Kylie shut the door behind her mother and fell against the door. They looked at each other for a second before both girls were laughing hard. They clutched their stomachs and tears fell from their eyes. Falling onto Kylie's bed they laid until their laughter subsided.

"I told you it was just a game" Kylie looked over at Maura with a smile.

"I was scared" Maura frowned.

"Well what do you want to do now?" Kylie asked.

"Do you have any movies?" Maura asked.

"Duh!" Kylie opened her t.v. stand to reveal about 30 movies. "Pick what you want."

Maura looked over all the movies. She read the titles starting from the right. Finally she came to 'Annie'.

"This one looks good" Maura handed it to Kylie, who popped it in the VCR. They climbed onto the bed and watched as the orphans sang while doing their morning chores.

"I wish I could be with them" Kylie said to herself.

"Why? You wouldn't have anything" Maura didn't want to tell her that she would rather be the one in the orphanage.

"I'm so lonely here."

Maura was almost speechless. She was the one who was lonely. Kylie had many friends and lots of nice stuff. Maura had nice stuff too, but she was lonely and her parents never talked to her. It was something Maura had accepted until met Kylie. Now she knew what it was like to have a friend. Even if they had only been friends for a day, it was better than to have never met her. Kylie had everything Maura had ever wanted and to know the brunette girl didn't appreciate it made her want them to switch places.

"You have me" Maura told her. It was a desperate plea of friendship, but the blond didn't care. She needed it.

"Yeah, I do don't I?" Kylie smiled at her and focused back on the movie. Maura smiled back satisfied with girl's answer.

Maura had started to find the movie less interesting now that Annie was adopted. She had loved the interaction with the other children and she looked at it as a learning experience. She really had no idea what to say and do around Kylie. She had been letting Kylie take lead, letting her pick what to do. She only suggested the movie to collect her thoughts. It only puzzled her when Kylie so easily spit out the lie to her mother once she had recovered. She had kept her voice even and didn't appear to be nervous. She needed to know the brunette's secret.

Maura took a look around the room again really noticing the details. Everything she had appeared new. Maura's own bedroom was simple yet didn't have any personal touches. Yet Kylie's room had pictures and clothes scattered on the floor. 'To Kill a Mocking Bird' was carelessly tossed onto the floor by the desk. It suddenly dawned on Maura what the blond didn't have. Control. She didn't control what she had, the clothes she wore, the way her room was designed, were all out of her control. Even the way she acted was controlled with her father's temper and her mother's silent pleas to behave. There was Maura could do to gain control either. It was something Maura could never have, but now she desperately wanted, needed.

Of course she could always run away. She could run from all the slaps and cuss words. Where would she go? To Kylie's? No. Kylie would only laugh at her and call her a coward because she would actually tell Kylie the truth about what was going on at home. Her mother had made her swear to keep it a secret. She trusted her mother enough to know that when she said it was an important secret to keep, it was an _important _secret to keep.

So that left Maura with nowhere to go and nowhere to run to. She had to fight through the pain. Somewhere down the road she could only hope it would make her stronger. It might even show her father she was worth the burden she had caused him. Now, looking at Kylie and seeing her fast asleep, she picked up To Kill a Mocking Bird and started to read. She prayed it would teach her more of the outside world. She needed to make a friend who she could run to. The police could protect her, or even better a detective. Maybe even a homicide detective. As Maura sat she started to hate that idea. She saw herself as the victim. The victim who had been stabbed in the heart and left to die on the cold pavement. She would have been left behind in life because she had gotten in the way of someone's plan for the future . She tried to shake the thought from her mind, telling herself that she had to stay positive. The idea still lingered in her mind because she knew that detective would care for her. It was all too bittersweet.

[TBC]


End file.
